Poison Ivy

This is a picture of Poison Ivy..  This is not what I thought it looked like.

I have the poison from this plant all over me right now… It started off last week and I just kept putting Calamine Lotion, because that’s what the song says to do, all over it… but turns out – the way the shit spreads is you scratch it and the juices get under your finger nail and then when you scratch something else it infects that area. 

Well, my balls itched so I scratched them and it turns out that I also had scratched an infected area before…  so now I have this shit form ankle to wrist, including the Frank and Beans.  Once this area got infected I decided to go on in to the Dr.’s office and get something done about it and Wouldn’t you know it!  It’s a female Dr.  ‘What seems to be the problem sir?’  ‘I got poison ivy, it itches like hell, and its even on my penis… and i’m worried..’  - ‘Well lets take a look'.’  -Side Note: IF you have a rash on a part of your body that you can show someone for them to evaluate and diagnose with out having to show other parts that you would prefer not to, I would advise you to just mention the areas that you feel comfortable showing..   Because it was blatantly obvious Mini Me was very embarrassed about having red spots on him.. he looked like a scared little turtle curled up in his shell hiding from a predator.  All you could see was wrinkles and Red Zit looking things with what could be the most disgusting looking balls I have every seen in my life…  and they were mine! 

Anyway, I got 2 lotions and 2 pills and one of the pills says ‘May cause Drowsiness’ – It should say, ‘You are about to be Sleepy as Fuck’  The lotions have directions to apply 3 times a day, do not use together, and clean areas very good before applying..   So another words – you are going to be sleepy as shit but make sure you don’t forget to apply lotion 6 fucking times a day for a week!

Poison Ivy, I LOATHE you.