(this post was written about 2 years ago.. f’n classic story)
Steinhatchee is in Florida on the Gulf coast about 60 miles west of Gainesville. It is full of nothing but biting insects and Fish. This trip was not my first but it was for my company. Culpepper, Rusty, and Mark all were going for their first time. We met down at Franky T's house on Friday night and had a low country boil. Started out heating up the water and with some new potatoes in it. About a hour later we had built a fire and applied bug spray 8 times but the water had not started boiling yet. Then we realized that we had the burner upside down so we turned it up right and with in 5 minutes the water was boiling and the potatoes were cooking. After adding some sausage, corn, and shrimp we had a good meal. Broke out the poker chips and all started arguing about college football. Rusty is a UT fan, Culpepper Auburn, Mark Alabama and of course myself Georgia.
Saturday morning got up about 5 am, went to the docks to get our rented boat and set out on the open sea. Just 4 guys, 2 coolers of beer, and smiles. First cast, Culpepper lands a nice Red Fish and we get it in the boat and then the conversation starts... ‘how long does a Red Fish need to be to be a keeper?’ ‘Who has the ruler?’ ‘You got to be kidding me - no one knows how big a fish needs to be?’ ‘how about trout?’ ‘how about anything!?!?!’ Anyway, we learned our lesson to make sure you take a ruler when going on the open sea. So we fished for a little while longer and decided to go south a couple of miles then Mark noticed a storm WAY off in the distance. "that storm cant be 30 miles from here" I said. Then rusty starts counting mississippi's from lighting to thunder so he could figure out exactly how far away it is. so we keep fishing because Rusty and I determine how far away the storm is and how fast its moving and what direction its moving in. About 10 to 15 minutes go by and Culpepper says, "hey guys, i think that storm is moving in on us pretty fast." So then Rusty and I explain to Culpepper how to figure out how far away a storm is and he isn't interested in listening. Then about that time the Radio says, "dead weight to see hag." "see hag, go ahead." "how bad is this storm that's coming in and how fast is it moving?" "their is a lot of lightning and its moving in on us pretty fast, we recommend coming in." ok, so maybe storms move faster on water than they do land.... that's when the rain started.
then the hard rain. then the lighting. then the hard wind, rain, lighting, thunder, waves, and fear. We couldn't see 20 feet in front of us and we had no clue how far south we had went. This was probably about a category 4 hurricane, maybe a bad 3, but could have been a 4. It was crazy. Where the hell is the #1 bouie? I slow the engine, "Guys, i don't know where we are," i tell the crew. Mark asks, "you think we passed it?" "I dont think so" rusty said, "but we could have." "this ain't good guys," culpepper makes it clear. Radio calls out, "Marina to Rental boat 1, marina to rental boat 1." I grab the C.B. "this is rental boat 1, go ahead." "we are just checking on you guys." "we headed in." we pursue north and Finally! we see the #1 bouie. We are safe! We come into the marina, dock the boat and all get out like we are seasoned vets that were not worried one bit. When actually we all were scared as hell. We walk up to the bar, order a beer and start talking about our story. Already we were telling each others perspective on what was going on and what we were thinking. The football players that drowned kept coming up. I was referring to myself as Capt. and i liked it. We get a bite to eat and the rain passed so we decide to go back out. This time with a ruler by god.
We get back out and since we had such bad luck going south we decided to go north this time.
After we noticed that there is a HUGE ruler on the side of the boat to measure fish with limit sizes.. We realized that we have two ways to measure any fish that we do catch. We start catching some fish but no keepers but at least we are catching. The beer is tasting good, the sun is shining and we are feeling good. I’m still referring to myself as captain also. Mark comes over and checks the gas container. "guys the gas is looking kinda low," Mark explains. then i tell him, "step back and let the captain take a look. ahw shit, we got plenty a gas." so we keep fishing and fishing and fishing. Also drinking a good bit of beer. We start heading back in stopping and fishing along the way and on the last stop, right before 5.00, the engine don't start. "i told you we wouldn't have enough gas." Mark reminds me. "Jesus Christ Joe, are you serious?" culpepper asks. "why are you guys not referring to me as Capt anymore?" i ask. "BECAUSE WE ARE OUT OF FUCKING GAS!!! CAPTAIN DIP SHIT!!" culpepper answers. Rusty then tells me, "call the marina on the radio and tell them to bring us gas.... captain." i'm picking up some sarcasm in the "captain" part. I pick up the CB and pause...... "i dont want to come over the radio and say we are out of gas," i say. Rusty then says, "Well what do you recommend we do?.... captain." again, sarcasm on the captain part. "alright, alright, alright, ill say we are having engine problems and it may be the gas," i explain. "yea Joe, that's a great idea," culpepper says in his smart ass voice. "Rental boat 1 to marina, Rental boat 1 to marina" - "marina, go ahead" - "yea we got some engine problems and it may be gas" - "hang on rental boat, ill get a mechanic to call you back" - at this point we are all chuckling at ourselves.
then mark yells, "what the hell is that?" "thats a sting ray," culpepper says, "catch it Rusty, you hadn't caught anything else all day." rusty then throws out, ray swims right to his bait, then his drag goes screaming.... "AHHH I GOT HIM, now what the hell do i do?" Rusty asks. we get the sting ray to the boat and then he snaps the line. nice way to burn up the time. "marina to rental boat 1" - "rental boat 1 go ahead" - "where are you guys located?"....."oh shit, how do we tell them where we are?" i ask the crew with no help of course. "come out of the mouth of the river and go north." "10-4" - ok, that was easy. so we keep drinking beer and enjoying the time out on the water. when the mechanics find us they say, "the gas hand don't work on this one and we just put a new motor on it so shes prolly burnin more gas than she should." I say, "thats good information, be good to have that about 3 hours ago." they snicker, why, I’m now sure, but i think they kind of enjoyed seeing us run out of gas.
When we get back we go to the bar and grill and order dinner. We had planned on having a fish fry but we only had 2 keepers all day. So we ordered burgers and they could have been the best burgers I have ever had. Culpepper ordered some kind of stuff that was horrible as an appetizer but he was the only one that ate any of it. We get back to the house, shower, and all sit down and watch Lemony Snicket. I know, the selection was slim.
Sunday didn't have near the adventure, but we did choose to partake in the scalloping fun. We felt gay at first, but didn't know just how much fun it would be to find these little boogers. AND they are mean. the first one we found snapped at us and it scared us. Any way, we are gonna make another trip sometime in the future - maybe November. I’m sure it will be a good trip and you know that you will be able to read all about it.
(this was one of the very first post on Southern Fried)
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