Left Behind

This is an email I got from a buddy who is down at the beach that he sent to some other friends who obviously are down there with him.  I removed names incase anyone had a problem with it.  enjoy. 

Apparently unbeknownst to all of you and your wives, after I paid for your lawsy dawdy $1,056 dinner at Puffy's all-white place, I was led to the distinct impression everyone was going to "shake booties."  While I fully intended to go directly home and make sweet love to my wife, I was fully aware that without me any booty shakin extravaganza would be well below optimal. Thus, I requested to be droped off at [location removed], despite the mild protestations of my bride, who was more interested in the aforementioned sweet lovin. Imagine my surprise to find myself alone.  After commandeering a phone from an overly trusting fat chick, I sent two text messages alerting yall of the SOS situation and requesting immediate rescue from the Wonderpets. After 2 hrs of no response, and $35 in tips to the house band who only knew Zeppelin and The Stones, I started my 1.5 mile stroll home. In total darkness. It was shortly after I left the parking lot that the turtle first reared his ugly head. I wrastled him valiantly for the next 1.4 miles until I was 14 ft from my front door and, naturally, he won out. As I crabwalked the last four yards to the bathroom, jeans around my knees, imagine my amazement that it is actually possible to get shit on the FRONT of one's hand as well as the business side. After 15 minutes of hazmat cleanup, I found my way to bed so I could set my alarm to fish with you loyal friends in a mere 4 hrs. My 7-yr old is far from special forces, but he is intimately familiar with the concept of "leave no man behind.". Obviously, you all were absent for that day of Badass School. I will see you all in the morning. Thank you for your support.

Sent at 1:42 am

Hard to beat a good ‘shit yourself’ story.  Anytime I am in a crunch at a social event and am looking for something that will grab peoples attention, my ‘go-to’ is a good ‘shit yourself’ story.