Why do I either make a complete ass out of myself OR create an extremely awkward moment… or like this past weekend I was able to do both. I was in a wedding this past weekend for my cousin. Friday we had the rehearsal and everything was going great. Everyone then went to a country club where we had a very nice dinner. Then I started drinking Beam… if you know anything about me and Beam (or any whiskey) then you are seeing something not good in my future. Bobby, Grady’s brother, gave a nice toast and then someone else did, then some else did, then some else did, then some else did, then I did. I stood up and gave what I thought was the best toast of the night. It was short, little bit of humor, and sweet at the end. Then I kept drinking. At the end of the night after every body went home I go up to the rooms where some of the Grooms party was staying and made a complete ass out of myself. One of Grady’s friends handled the situation about as good as he could and for some reason I turned on my asshole switch. It wasn’t that big of a deal but it wasn’t my classiest moment. then I stumbled down stairs and found someone that worked their leaving and asked them to take me home. (i don’t know how to type slur so while reading my parts add a nice slur to it) she said, “where do you live” and I responded, “Alabama.” She said, “Really? I can’t take you to Alabama.” I answered, “well fuck off then…. wait a minute…. I live here. I used to live in Alabama.. I mean I still do. So we cool?” She was getting a little bit frustrated and asked, “So where do you want me to take you?” And I answered, “home please. just take me home” We got it figured out and she took me home. I stumbled up the stairs and got in bed.
Saturday was pretty low key for me. I was good about not drinking before the wedding. I was even better about not drinking anything but red wine after the wedding and I was at home by 11:00 in bed with my family. Good Right? I think so.
Sunday… We go to my Aunt and uncle’s house to have breakfast before we leave. We were going over who every body was and who liked who and who didn’t. Then a name came up that sounded familiar to me so I asked who he was. Then I remembered. About 2 years ago my cousin who got married had sent out an email to a pretty big group of people. I looked who all the email was sent to and saw a name I had never seen before. It was Steve Dumas. So I “replied to all” - “hey Steve, do you pronounce that Steve Dumb Ass?” Well he didn’t find it funny so he sent a email back saying something and I thought he was being a dick so I sent one back to everyone saying something like stop being a faggot. well, it turns out he is a homo and has a life partner. Well I am in the middle of telling this story when the door opens and someone walks in. I don’t pay much attention and keep telling my story and guess who it was that walked in?? You guessed it. Steve Dumb Ass with his life partner… AWK!! WARD!!!
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